For some time now, I’ve had the odd pamphlet promoting Christian beliefs popping up in my mailbox. You know the ones… the Grapevine or Watchtower “magazines”, invites to church events, apocalyptic rants about the end of times and how sinners are going to burn for all eternity if they don’t find Jesus… that sort of thing.
This blog is part of a story about my experience with religious education in my Daughter’s school. If you missed the start of it, you can find the beginning here.
So when a 95-page booklet called “Steps to Christ” appeared in the mailbox, at first I didn’t think anything of it. Then, in a light bulb moment of realisation, that a Christian might call a “revelation”, I checked my neighbour’s mailboxes. Waiiiiit a minute! No one else had one!
Wondering if my mate next door was at home gleefully leafing through the first chapter about “God’s Love for Man” (sorry girls, no love for you), I called him and he confirmed that not only did he not receive one but could I please not call him to talk about finding Jesus again.
Apparently, I have an evangelical Christian stalker. Or maybe even a whole group of stalkers. It could be the Jehovah Witnesses who were accosting me in groups every few months for the last three years until I got sick of telling them I wasn’t interested and shooed them away in a less-friendly than the usual way.
It could be anyone! But I have a clue in the cover page of the book. This Jesus is the “white long-haired hippy with a tan” version of Jesus. That leads me to suspect that the stalker is themselves a Caucasian individual and probably from one of the more modern Christian churches rather than the staid and traditional churches such as the Anglican or the Catholic church. I know this because in all my Catholic school years, Jesus never looked like this. He was much whiter and often blue-eyed, more like this…
Those rebellious protestants went and made him all shaggy-haired and tanned and nothing like the middle-ages styled Jesus I was taught about.
Of course, after I left school, I found that there are all sorts of different Jesus looks. I can also be reasonably sure that I’m not being stalked by Asian Mormons because I think their Jesus would probably have looked more like this…
There was the distinct possibility that the mailbox drops were the work of a group of evangelical children from the school who’d taken the Bible Classes to heart. Often girls seem to be the most fervent evangelists but given the strong ties that evangelical Christian kids maintain to popular culture, I would have expected the Jesus on the cover to look something more like a girly teen idol…
It definitely wasn’t an African-American Baptist congregation because the “Steps to Christ” book also has an alternative cover for people of African descent. I found it online. Here it is…
Then as part of my research, I found an article by the BBC about what Jesus could have looked like. It was pretty interesting and it also provided a mock-up of a face that could have some resemblance to the actual Jesus. It was created in 2001 by an Anthropologist working on an actual skull found in the region of Galilee. I’m not saying this is Jesus but it gives us an idea of what his features may have looked like.
But I’m getting off track. This doesn’t really help identify my stalker.
Other than the Jehovah Witness people who visit everyone, I’ve had no one approach me to discuss my views on the Bible classes at the school. Not one person in the last 12 months since I contacted the school about it has called or emailed, approached me at the school, thumped a bible or shaken a pitchfork at me in person.
I did have one of the volunteer bible “teachers” greet me in the school car park the other day with “Morning Gru”, as I walked past with my 6-year-old daughter. I’m not sure if he was suggesting I was “despicable” or just pointing out that I was bald. Either way, it’s nice to know what sort of values they’re indoctrinating the kids with and that they’re leading by example outside the school.
He was gone when I had safely delivered her to her real class, so I’ll probably never know!
Do you have a Christian stalker of your own? Please comment below or read my story from the start!
Next: Read about how I put my candidacy forward for the board of trustees.