I have an Evangelical Christian Stalker!

steps to christ book
This guy definitely surfs on the weekend.
steps to christ book
This guy definitely surfs on the weekend.

For some time now, I’ve had the odd pamphlet promoting Christian beliefs popping up in my mailbox. You know the ones… the Grapevine or Watchtower “magazines”, invites to church events, apocalyptic rants about the end of times and how sinners are going to burn for all eternity if they don’t find Jesus… that sort of thing.

This blog is part of a story about my experience with religious education in my Daughter’s school. If you missed the start of it, you can find the beginning here.

So when a 95 page booklet called “Steps to Christ” appeared in the mailbox, at first I didn’t think anything of it. Then, in a light bulb moment of realisation, that a Christian might call a “revelation”, I checked my neighbours mail boxes. Waiiiiit a minute! No one else had one!

Wondering if my mate next door was at home gleefully leafing through the first chapter about “God’s Love for Man” (sorry girls, no love for you), I called him and he confirmed that not only did he not receive one but could I please not call him to talk about finding Jesus again.

Apparently, I have an evangelical Christian stalker. Or maybe even a whole group of stalkers. It could be the Jehovah Witnesses who were accosting me in groups every few months for the last three years until I got sick of telling them I wasn’t interested and shooed them away in a less-friendly than usual way.

It could be anyone! But I have a clue in the cover page of the book. This Jesus is the “white long haired hippy with a tan” version of Jesus. That leads me to suspect that the stalker is themselves a Caucasian individual and probably from one of the more modern Christian churches rather than the staid and traditional churches such as the Anglican or the Catholic church. I know this because in all my Catholic school years, Jesus never looked like this. He was much whiter and often blue-eyed, more like this…

catholic school jesus
Every Catholic school boy knows that this is what Jesus looks like.

Those rebellious protestants went and made him all shaggy-haired and tanned and nothing like the middle-ages styled Jesus I was taught about.

Of course, after I left school, I found that there are all sorts of different Jesus looks. I can also be reasonably sure that I’m not being stalked by Asian Mormons because I think their Jesus would probably have looked more like this…

asian jesus
Asian Samurai Jesus

There was the distinct possibility that the mailbox drops were the work of a group of evangelical children from the school who’d taken the Bible Classes to heart. Often girls seem to be the most fervent evangelists but given the strong ties that evangelical Christian kids maintain to popular culture, I would have expected the Jesus on the cover to look something more like a girly teen idol…

teen jesus idol
What teenage girls wish Jesus looked like

It definitely wasn’t an African-American Baptist congregation because the “Steps to Christ” book also has an alternative cover for people of African descent. I found it online. Here it is…

 

steps to christ african face cover
Steps to African Jesus

Then as part of my research, I found an article by the BBC about what Jesus actually looked like. It was pretty interesting and it also provided a mock up of a face that could have some resemblance to the actual Jesus. It was created in 2001 by an Anthropologist working of an actual skull found in the region of Galilee. I’m not saying this is Jesus but it gives us an idea of what his features may have looked like.

galilean jesus
I’d be confused too if someone recreated my head 2000 years later

despicable!But I’m getting off track. This doesn’t really help identify my stalker.

Other than the Jehovah Witness people who visit everyone, I’ve had no one approach me to discuss my views on the Bible classes at the school. Not one person in the last 12 months since I contacted the school about it has called or emailed, approached me at the school, thumped a bible or shaken a pitchfork at me in person.

I did have one of the volunteer bible “teachers” greet me in the school car park the other day with “Morning Gru”, as I walked past with my 6 year old daughter. I’m not sure if he was suggesting I was “despicable” or just pointing out that I was bald. Either way, it’s nice to know what sort of values they’re indoctrinating the kids with and that they’re leading by example outside the school.

He was gone when I had safely delivered her to her real class, so I’ll probably never know!

Do you have a Christian stalker of your own? Please comment below or read my story from the start!

Read about how I put my candidacy forward for the board of trustees.

 

7 Comments

    • I have been stalked for two years by a JW group, at the time I had no idea what I was stepping into. I didn’t go to their church or know a JW however I did attend a part time drama school lead by a MBE member in East london with a very famous Nigerian actor in a blockbuster movie starwars. Soon I realised there was something odd and wrong. I was being watched, monitored stalked , followed home. Eventually they moved in next door to my flat listening to my conversations. As they started to repeat my own words back to me when even I retired to the school. They force their JW beliefs onto new children inorder to recruit them or marry them Into to their religion. The stalking got very dark. They followed me everywhere, recorded me, harassed me, and used various people to get information on me
      Paid anyone and everyone to pull up dirt. I then moved and they followed me again and still harassing me , knocking on doors, illegally monitoring my emails, recording me on mobile phones, hacking emails, watching me in every move I make, they just don’t go away, after all I’m just young and 19. I take pictures of them all the time but they don’t stop and forcefully aggressive.

      • Wow! Same here. I’m in New England. Exactly the same. I thought it was anti-semitism (I’m Jewish and never been anything else). Thanks for the tip. Hang in there.

      • Large group almost always different people except the immediate neighbours. They stalk me the length and breadth of the UK and have used attempted accidents( and they actually hit me a couple of times because they were on the phone while driving) to intimidate me into silence when I started filming them. Like Chrissy’s situation, they harass me, mob me in public places, repeat private conversations I have with my family. The ugliness of their behaviour changed and they became friendlier, eventually pretending even that they were protecting me when they were really engaged in criminal stalking. Can’t turn an a-hole into an eye by sticking eyelashes on it. My neighbours next door follow me by listening for my footsteps, voice or the sounds from household chores. If I went to my bedroom, they’d follow me into the corresponding room in their property. In the night, if I couldn’t sleep, I’d go into the living room and I began noticing they were following me even at 3.30am. So I did a test. I went back into my bedroom and they’d follow. I’d return to the living room and again they’d follow. They hacked my phone and I know because they could see what was on my living room table. If my husband and I discussed property funds they’d be asking about which property funds to invest in on the property forum I was a member of. Whatever happened daily became public through forum-postings and youtube. These people are terrorists. There’s nothing good about them and what they do. They are nasty and must be stopped at all costs. They are the biggest turn-off about the religion.

  1. I did have a colleague try to convert me and invite me to ‘meet Jesus’ every time I was feeling a bit stressed at work. I told her that I had met god on holiday in Greece once and that he wasn’t a very nice person. He had walked into a bin outside my villa in the middle of the night spilling it’s contents and shouting loudly. She was a bit confused.

  2. I am a Seventh-day Adventist, and have passed out literature in the past, so maybe I’m like your stalker, i don’t know. Of course the author of your book was a woman herself, and when she wrote about God’s love for man, she was using the word “man”, as was common then, to refer to all of mankind. Adventists actually don’t believe in an ever-burning hell. Actually, I don’t like it when church publishers make a “Caucasian cover” and “African American cover”, because it plays into the arguments of non-believers like yourself, who try to argue that we make up God to suit us.

    But the majority of scholars believe that Jesus was a real person–even non-believing scholars. Therefore, he was a Jew, and if people don’t like the idea of being redeemed by a Jew, then maybe they should hang the whole thing up. But I do strongly believe that God created us, and that he wants to redeem us form the sin which has caused so much suffering in this world. You’re welcome to scoff at that. But that’s what I think.

    All the best…

    • I have no problem with Jesus existing as a non-god human. I do have a problem with the idea of a god who creates two people, then punishes all humanity for the “sins” that he knew they would have… disappear for thousands of years and then decide that the only way to forgive them is to impregnate a woman with himself so that he can sacrifice himself to himself.

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