Across the world, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is making great strides in educating children about their religious beliefs. Not to be outdone by more traditional religions, Pastafarians have taken their lead from the Churches Education Commission. They have realised that the great “privilege” of access to a
captive audience class of primary school children afforded by our Education Act 1964 is not only available to Christians, who have not yet been enlightened by the touch of His Noodly Appendage.
As Christian Evangelists have been
at the trough in classrooms for decades, Pastafarians are saying, “pass the sauce”. Experts everywhere agree that the “noodly values” the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster promote are more closely aligned with recommended Ministry of Education values teaching than the values that the Churches Education Commission support. Pastafarians value diversity, whereas the CEC avoid “diversity” as if it were a mouldy block of parmesan (blasphemy!). I’d say that puts them one point ahead.
There is little doubt that the depth of truth and understanding are beyond anything we have seen from traditional religious
indoctrination teachings. I think that it is only fair that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster receives equal access to children and that Christian Evangelicals be made to share the time that they have already used, backdated to 1964. On this basis, heathens Christian evangelists should resume traditional Christian religious indoctrination instruction for primary school children from the year 2072, after the Pastafarians have had their turn.
The below letter was written by a Pastafarian Minister to a school principal. Let me know what you think in the comments. They wish to remain anonymous for fear of religious discrimination, saying; “Not everyone appreciates the flavour of our beliefs”…
I would like to offer my services for the Religious Instruction lunch program to be held in Term 2 and 3 this year. I am an American-ordained Pastafarian Minister and I am qualified to run an RI course teaching children science from an evangelical Pastafarian perspective. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is legally recognised as a religion in New Zealand.
With my Masters Degree in Science, I propose a “Science Club” to be offered for families in our community to build on the great work that the school teachers have been doing with the Science Curriculum as per http://nzcurriculum.tki.org.nzlThe-New-Zealandcuniculum/Science.
Naturally, my Church fundamentally upholds the values as declared in the NZ Curriculum and I will incorporate the School Values to strengthen the work already being done within the school and the PB4L program.
As a symbol of my Church’s tolerance and diversity, I am happy to work in with the Evangelical Christians who are also running Rl lessons at school. Perhaps we could share the hall and use the same permission form to reduce the level of bureaucracy for the school?
I envisage science experiments gauged at the level and interest of the children attending. I would not, of course, leave any mess, and health and safety of the children and environment will be of highest concern. I would not be teaching about the Big Bang or evolution as the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world and I would not want to tread these theological waters with young children.
I am aware that I would need to have a police check completed. Please let me know what steps I should follow to ensure this happens.
I am also aware that there may be concerns in our community that I would be at school to proselytise the children and preach to them about my faith. Please be reassured that this is not my intention. Our Church services are held on a Friday night and of course, you would be most welcome to drop in on a Church service at any time, please just let me know.
If you would like me to present more information at a Board of Trustees meeting, please let me know I am always happy to chat about my faith and beliefs.